Hepburn Obsessed. A Welsh Girl's Confession.

'Audtwee Twepburn' in art form, painted by my super talented colleague Anna

Audtwee Twepburn? What does it mean? Where did it come from?.....years ago I discussed the possibility of one day opening up my own quirky coffee shop which would have multicoloured furniture, tea pots  (such twee items) and pictures of Audrey Hepburn everywhere. My boyfriend has a habit of combining words and thus his immediate response was 'so Audtwee Twepburn?'. The coffee shop might be a distant dream but this blog is here now and it felt appropriate. Within the blog I also talk about my issues with mental health, suffering previously from anxiety and depression. Since reading more into Hepburn's life, I realised I related to her more than I ever could have imagined.

Young Audrey 

Many people across the world are obsessed with Hepburn as a style icon and absolute beauty and this is undeniable. The image most associated with her is as the high fashion Holly Golightly eating pastries outside Tiffanys. Her appearance was a huge factor in her becoming such a icon and I can't help but gush at the various photos of her at just how beautiful she was! I have photos of her throughout the house and she's even the screensaver on my phone! However, what I soon realised after reading further into her life was that she was so much more than a pretty face and talented actress. She was also to name a few; a war survivor, a woman with a troubled relationship with her father, someone whose heart was broken numerous times, a loving mother, and a humanitarian.

Reading accounts about her life you realise things weren't always as easy as they seem in the photos. She was a very mindful person and described her love for open air life, of trees, birds and flowers. There is also documented evidence that Audrey was a highly anxious person, secretive and highly sensitive. For me this makes her so much more relate-able, especially as somebody who has suffered from anxiety and been accused of being far too sensitive.

Audrey suffered from anxiety and depression
 throughout her life

Despite her anxious nature however her grit and inner strength was evident, and most apparent during her youth in Nazi occupied Holland. At that time women were continuously being arrested by German officers and forced to work in hospitals and military camps. When teenage Audrey was walking home one day she was approached by an officer and she knew there was a good chance she would be taken yet she kept her calm and while the officer stopped to light a cigarette she made a run for it. As she fled she was forced to take shelter and hide from her pursuer in a dark cellar. With the tiniest glimpse of light, a crust of bread and small bottle of apple juice, she lasted an entire month hidden within this cellar. She was terribly malnourished, jaundiced and her metabolism was never the same. It is astonishing looking at the number of iconic images of her that her slender figure was the result of such a traumatic war time experience. To highlight this blog post is not intended to be a biographical account of Audrey's life but this is one story which I couldn't leave out. It shows her resilient nature and a glimpse into the life of the actress that isn't portrayed in the pictures.

Hepburn also had numerous issues with the men in her life, other than her sons who absolutely adored her, but with her father and a string of romantic relationships that caused her much pain. Despite this emotional turmoil however she never let it deter her from acting and her humanitarian work. Audrey knew she could use her position and celebrity for good and was a prominent ambassador for UNICEF. The actress and dancer Leslie Caron stated

'Audrey's life can be divided into two chapters', 'in the first, she had all the acclaim you could possibly dream of and in the second, she gave back in spades what she had received'. 

Audrey in Somalia, 1992

Her awareness of others and her wider sense of humanity is so inspiring and her work later on in life for UNICEF you cannot help but admire, especially as some of the work was highly dangerous e.g delivering food packages within war zones, a dangerous trip to Somalia in 1992.

Alongside this amazing courage and will, it's also the roles she chose within her acting career that resonate with myself. Within a lot of the characters she chose to play there was an element of the 'dreamer'. Sabrina, Holly Golightly, the princess in Roman Holiday, they all dreamed of adventure and opportunity whilst having an understanding of their own self worth. Audrey was herself branded in school as a 'daydreamer' and this is something I can also relate to! The characters she chose to play were also never just a 'pretty face'. The character of Jo Stockton for example in Funny Face was a highly intelligent librarian and throughout the film held her own sense of character in the world of Paris high fashion, searching to 'philosophise with all the guys in Montmarte'.  I also like to think of Audrey herself as quite a kooky individual, and evidence would suggest so, as she did keep a pet deer called Pippin.

Audrey didn't take herself seriously

Another characteristic that draws me to her was her well documented connection with Paris and Rome, having second homes in both the French and Italian capitals. I feel the culture suited her, Rome especially. When she had her young sons and suffered from both anxiety and depression she found the city her refuge and an escape from Hollywood. The relaxed Italian way of living also worked wonders for my mind last summer and my love for Paris as a city is evident within this blog.

Audrey in Funny Face (1952)

Audrey died almost one year exactly before I was born and I do feel an element of sadness that we didn't exist in the same universe at any one time but I am so grateful that I became aware of her work and her influence. Audrey for me, was much more than a Hollywood icon. She encompasses an image of someone who suffered but this didn't tamper her ability to love, to dream, to seek comfort in her passions e.g. acting, fashion, life in Italy. I get lost in her movies because of her charisma and electricity but since learning more about her life, I re-watch these films and find so much more admiration for the woman behind the camera.