Checklist? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

So you might be wondering why I'm referencing Clark Gable here but I couldn't resist the opportunity and it fits perfectly with what I've been wanting to write about for a good while now. There is a part of the human condition which seems to emerge in your twenties which I just can't get on board with. I've noticed in conversations I overhear in coffee shops, discussion with friends and family that a lot of people are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders day in day out and are weighed down by the ideal of 'a checklist'. That's right, the imaginary life checklist that everyone is so scared of.

What is the checklist you ask? the checklist manifests itself in our minds and thoughts such as "Oh gosh I'm twenty-seven and I'm not with anyone" or "hmm I'm nearly twenty-four, should I have gone travelling already?". I am not ridiculing anyone who has ever thought like this because this is exactly where my head was only a short time ago. I truly believed happiness would be delivered through the pay rise that I saw as appropriate for my age but quite frankly what the hell is that? Everyone's life experience and circumstances are so different but in the words of the wise and wonderful Nick Mulvey "we get lost in comparisons".

When I was living at home from the age of twenty to twenty-two, I considered this something to be ashamed of. Obviously that meant I was a failed adult because my circumstances meant I had to move back home and at that age I should really be trying to make it on my own but I look back now and cringe at my own silly insecurities! Why should you feel insecure and weak to want to security of a 'home' you have known for most of your life? It is ironic that I was agonising over being single, living at home, not driving and always getting 'ready to live', yet I was unaware I was already living! Looking back now my mind was consumed with wanting more but if I had taken the time to be in the moment (which I know I talk about a lot in this blog!) I would have realised that I really was 'living my best life', as the kids say these days.

This 'best life' was not because of my material possessions or what I had attained on the checklist of life; degree, car, boyfriend, money, apartment. It was the random memories I had gained along the way. Being out until stupid o'clock in the morning with my best friend the night after Wales beat England in the 2015 World Cup and trying to get into any Big Sleep or Ibis we could as we had missed the last train home. Time with my my crazy lovable family who would do absolutely anything for me. It was also during that time that I met and and got to know a new friend who would soon turn out to be more than just a friend. What's even better is that he was not in any way part of the 'checklist'.

Some of you might think "Oh this is rich" as in the end I did get some of the things I wanted on the original checklist but my point is that as soon as I stopped agonising and rating my life in relation to the number of ticks on this imaginary list of torment, it allowed me to enjoy those moments for what they were rather than something I needed to have in order to be happy.

The checklist still looms over me on occasions, but I try to conquer it by repeating another lyric in my head... this time by Frank Turner "I've got clothes on my back and some food to eat and I can't ask for anything more!". I think sometimes we just need to be grateful to have those basic needs covered and any extras we manage to afford for ourselves along the way are a bonus! Yes, when you do maintain material items you are allowed to be happy, I've just got a new apartment which I am over the moon about, but it wasn't planned or part of the checklist.

I haven't reached a magical point where my brain is never going to make comparisons with others, I think that's a bit unrealistic but my self worth is no longer solely determined by what I have, where I live or what 'I should probably be doing at this age'. I've also never been so sure and calm that at some point I'll get those things I want but maybe I'll do it five years after everybody else and that's OK! There is no conventional way of doing things and life can take unexpected turns but if you really want something wholeheartedly you'll get there - whatever route it takes. As a quirky so and so it's never been my style to do things conventionally anyway and being dyspraxic it usually means a few stumbles but that's all part of the fun.